Mothering the Mama
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This past weekend was the Mommy Spa and Social. Let me just say this event surpassed my own expectations. This room was filled with moms that got the spa feel they needed but also the break they were craving. There was not a single “let me run and change this diaper”, “let me ft my kid quick” or even an “I wonder what Tate is doing”. That statement is not to say we did not think about our kids because come on, we are still moms. But it’s to show just how good of a break it was.

Aside from the break the biggest and most recurring statement I heard from these moms were:

I GOT A CHANCE TO CONNECT WITH OTHER MOMS. 

Whew that gave me chills. 



It sounds like such a simple sentence but as a mom, a new mom especially, it’s not. 

Let me take you back for a second. 

You just had your baby and you guys have been in your new roles for about 4 weeks. First week was kind of foggy and you’re actually not sure where the time went. Second week you’re starting to realize your baby is a little person that needs to be understood and you start picking up their cues and wants. Third week you’re a pro, you know how to hold baby, fold laundry and cook eggs. Oh look somewhere along the way you grew another arm. Fourth week, oh crap... where are my friends? 

Mama am I right? 

You completely forgot you had friends and in the midst of baby you’ve been living in a bubble. I get it, you’ve barely had time for you so of course you haven’t had time for friends. But you didn’t realize until about the 4 week mark that the entire first month of your baby’s life was probably spent in seclusion. 

Not a bad thing at all, listen you and your baby needed you. But now you’re ready to come out of hibernation and your old friends maybe they just don’t fit. Or they’re great to hang out with and you still want to see them but you want to be around some moms who get it too. 



Trust me I hear you. And that is why that statement above, gave me chills. Because this event did JUST THAT. 

Another reason that statement gave me chills? Over a year ago I wrote this post:


When I wrote that, Tate was less than a year old. At that point I had realized I found my tribe and I loved it. But I wanted more. I wanted more than just my tribe at home. I wanted more than just the women I knew, I wanted to touch more moms. And those chills I talked about? This is where they come in. 

At the Mommy Spa and Social I did just that, I did more. Not just for me or for my small mama tribe but for the mamas in Delaware. And the fact that the main takeaway is that they got to meet more mamas, tells me it was a mission accomplished.

Here’s direct quotes from some of the attending mamas:

“It was such a great experience. I was able to meet her (Aysia) and the other women... Aysia the creator of Mothering the Mama has such a beautiful spirit the entire energy in the room was so dope”. - Jania

“It’s always a little hard stepping out of your comfort zone to meet other moms and a little nerve wracking at first but with the icebreakers and games everyone tends to loosen up and is open for conversation. It’s was super cool to have moms of all ages and to be able to talk and ask for advice”. -Maddison

“It was nice to meet other mommas who go through the same things as I do with Justin. It was a really good vibe and I had fun”. -Idalis

“The event was the perfect environment for mamas to  connect with other mamas and realize that you are not alone in this journey. The things you are experiencing are not unique to just you and you can feel comforted being surround by women who are just like you”. -Kelsey






As a mom we all have had that feeling. That “am I cut out to do this” feeling. Well working with your passion kind of feels the same way. You invest so much money, time and energy and somewhere along the way you think “Is this right? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?”. The feedback from Mommy Spa and Social helped me realize: I am, it is and yes. I am cut out to do this work and help these mothers, it is right that I am here now doing this and it is exactly what I should be doing. For me, walking in my purpose feels just like motherhood. 

Follow along on Instagram, Facebook or sign up for emails to catch all other event announcements! 

Take care of you too,

Aysia B. 
Breastfeeding was the easiest part of my motherhood journey.

I know I know hate me now. 

But in all honesty it was. And unfortunately weaning Tate from breast feeding... an easier part of motherhood for me.

I get it you hate me. 

But this also makes me feel I’m super credible to give some good tips on how to deal with the added stress on a mama don’t you think? Let’s keep chatting and find out what you think. 




If you’ve kept up with my breastfeeding journey then you know all about why I chose to breastfeed, how I took care of myself while breastfeeding, tips on breastfeeding, and more. But what I haven’t talked a lot about is how I ended my breastfeeding journey with Tater Tot. I think mostly because it wasn’t my choice. 

I was forced to stop breastfeeding. 

Not forced by anyone in particular but more so by my situation. 

There a lot of struggles that come from split parent households; time apart, different upbringings, financial dilemmas and more. But what a lot of moms don’t talk about is how separation affects their choices and decisions as a mother. 

When I first started my breastfeeding journey I said if all things went well I would probably breastfeed Tate until he was about 1 years old. But as we got further into our journey I loved it, he loved it and it worked for us; I changed the ending age to two. Then me and his dad split and the decision was made for me. 



By the time Tate was 1 years old he was spending extended periods with his dad while I was either traveling or working. He would go with his dad for even up to 7 days some times with no nursing or breastmilk (Tate was very much not a bottle kid) and then come back to me to “comfort feed” aka just use my nipple as a pacifier. After our last 9 day stretch apart I decided things had to change. 

I knew it was no longer beneficial for either of us for things to continue the way they were. And it was so very hard emotionally more than physically for me to stop. 

Not because Tate was crying and I was losing my stuff, though he was and so was I. Not because it hurt me to see Tate cry, though it did. But because I felt like a failure. I felt like I had made a goal for myself and due to unfortunate circumstances I was letting it change what I wanted. 

But it was time and it was best for everyone involved; me, Tate and his dad. 



So I did what I know best and “self cared it up”. Here’s my top 5 tips on how to deal with mom guilt during your breastfed weaning journey. 

  1. Think it through. Before anything else, think it through. Before you can work on actually weaning your baby you have to come to the decision to do so. And coming to that decision does not happen lightly. Make sure, like I did, you make the decision that is best for all parties. Once you make an informed decision it will be so much easier to stick with it. 
  2. Accountability partner. Trust me mamas when the going gets tough you are definitely going to want to throw in the towel. It’s the easiest thing to do! But you need that person who you can call or sit down and talk to and say today was hard I want to quit and they can remind you exactly why you’re beginning this journey. This person can be your partner, best friend, person in your mama tribe whoever. Just do like Cristina and Meredith and find your person.  
  3. Schedule your self care intentionally. When you’re in the midst of the chaos of weaning your baby from breastfeeding you are NOT going to be thinking about yourself. Your mind will be succumbed to thinking of your crying baby, your crying self and your hardening boobs. Schedule your self care ahead of time. The week before you start schedule at least TWO self care activities during the week. I.e. manicure on Tuesday and drinks with friends on Friday. Trust me this little break will be your saving grace during this time. If you’re an east coast mama and you’re looking for your scheduled self care for your weaning week sign up for the #MommySpaandSocial ! Read more about it here

As a mama we make the toughest decisions for ourselves, our kiddos, our families and more. That saying “we are the rock of the family” shouldn’t be taken for granted. But it doesn’t mean you have to endure hardships with no plan to ease the pain. Mothering the mama means just that. Through the pain, madness, tears, struggles, etc you still find ways to...

Take care of you too mama,

Aysia B. 


P.S. I know breastfeeding can be tough on your personal views of your body. Grab my affirmation based booklet that helps you fall back in love with your post-baby body! 




Motherhood is a competition. 

There I said it. 

There is this constant need for your baby to be better then someone else’s, your wardrobe to look better, or your house to be cleaner. I plan to focus on this more from the kiddy side but today I want to focus on the motherhood side.







As I sit here completely under the weather, crying internally and externally for a break, I realize that’s the part of motherhood us mothers hide. 

We feel the need to hide the “bad” parts of motherhood. The parts that show we sometimes fail or sometimes don’t like our kids. 

This week is National Suicide Awareness week. 

Did you know that the leading cause of death for new mamas is suicide?  

That is why motherhood self care is so important to me. 



As moms we internalize so much. We take on our kid's emotions, partner's emotions, and sometimes even what feels like the world's emotions. We struggle in silence and say nothing because you know, “Mamas are the backbone of the family”. 

When I first had Tate I quickly realized how easy it would be to slip into depression. I was not only going through a terrible break up but I was healing both emotionally and physically. I was losing myself. Being a nurse I had seen depression plenty of times. I knew the symptoms to look out for. and how to manage them. By the grace of God I was able to overcome these things and pull myself out of dark places but not all mothers are able to do the same. 


Here’s how you can help a new mama today:


Offer to help but don’t be pushy.

Just a simple “how can I help” will suffice. And then actually help in the way they ask. Be sure to pay attention to the detail and get it done to the best of your ability. This is important or we’ll never ask again. 

Look for ways to help without being asked.

I know contradictory from the first, but us mamas we’re superheroes at heart. We’ll take on more tasks then we can handle because again “Mothers are the backbone of the family”. That being said, we may not always ask for help. Look for ways you can help without us asking. See laundry in the washer flip it in the dryer. Dishes in the sink wash them. Dirty diaper just change it. Trust me, this will speak to us abundantly. 

Don’t criticize. 

I know it sounds simple but you’d be surprised how easy it is to criticize. Sometimes as humans, we don’t even realize when we’re doing it. So that means no “why do the eggs look like this”, “oh my white shirt is now pink” or even “the baby’s late for nap again”. It’s as easy as thinking before you speak. If it could come off as judgmental in any way, don’t say it.

Compliment.

On the flip side provide lots of compliments. Simple things such as, “wow I wouldn’t have even thought of changing his diaper that way”, “I appreciate all you’ve done for the baby and me today”, “You’re an amazing mother”, goes a long way. Remember we’re insecure and not feeling like ourselves right now we need these words of encouragement more than you could ever imagine.

Remind us of our self care. 

We’ve forgotten us. Society tells us it’s all about our baby and family now and we have completely turned off the idea of caring for ourselves. Suggest self care activities without being too forceful. Say things such as: “Hey I can watch the baby while you shower”, “I’m going to come over and watch the baby so you can sleep”, or even something like “Hey I brought you a gift card to get your nails done and I’ll watch the baby when you go”. Trust me that last one will make you a stellar friend. 


These tips are for friends, family, significant others and more. Being a new mama is hard. Our bodies went through trauma and now our minds will go through it for at least the next 6 months.  

To my mamas, life is not a competition.  If you are struggling in the beginning say it! It’s okay to need extra help at some point in life we all do. I cannot personally say I’ve experienced depression personally but I fully understand deep sadness in the beginning of motherhood and have seen it many times before. If you need someone to talk to reach out to your doctor and let them know how you feel. There are so many great resources (not even just therapists!) that they can recommend. 


Take care of you too mama,

Aysia B. 


If you're a new mom looking for a way to increase your self love when you look into the mirror, sign up for my 4-page workbook all about using affirmations to increase your self care!




I am hosting my first event. Yes you read that completely right.

I HAVE PLANNED AND AM HOSTING MY FIRST EVENT! 

I’m not freaking out, you are... Okay yes, I’m totally freaking out too! 




When I created The Mama Program my intention was not for it to be a bunch of expensive events and social hours. But instead, for it to be the kick in the butt mamas needed to remember their own self care. My hope is it will become a weekend program for moms where they can come and partake in various self care classes that will encourage and fulfill them. 

For now however, it is totally a social hour with reasonably priced events for us mamas to sit, come together and hang. I mean hey, it’s not like we don’t deserve it! 




If you’re not new to Mothering the Mama then you know my story and why self care is so important to me. If you don’t, here’s a short recap:

When Tate was about 4 months I realized I was completely losing myself in motherhood. I had no idea if I had showered each day, I barely changed my clothes, and the laundry was piling over; but the baby was fed, clean and happy. Being a mother was becoming my identity. 

Now let me clear this up, being a mother is 100% my greatest joy in life thus far. It has helped me find my passion and true calling in life not only with my son but with other mothers I encounter as well. However, being a mother does not take away from the fact that I still need to care for me. 

The Mama Program is just that. To remind mothers that in the midst of the motherhood chaos, every now and then just check in on you.



Check in questions:

  • How does this make me feel?
  • Am I doing this for me or someone else?
  • When is the last time I did something for me?

In any situation it’s easy for life to take over. Even more so when it feels like you’re the ringleader or a juggling circus trying to balance not only motherhood but your career and family on top of that. But in the midst of it all it is beyond important to never forget you. 

If you’re in the area buy your tickets to the Mommy Spa and Social. Be intentional and schedule some time for you today. Trust me, your family will thank you. 

Take care of you too mama,

Aysia B. 

Right after I had Tate I was afraid to breastfeed. Like most new mamas I was afraid it was going to hurt or that it was some sort of discomfort involved. This feeling was strange for me. I mean after all, I am a pediatric nurse.  I’ve gone into plenty of lactation consults, I have counseled many mothers on latch technique and I’ve seen the process done over a 100 times. But when it came to me and my body... I was still so, very afraid.


Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. 

Like many other things in life, sometimes fear comes from no real basis at all, other than word of mouth. I had heard so many other mamas say things about breastfeeding that it caused me to be afraid myself. When they asked if I wanted to breastfeed Tate shortly after birth I politely declined saying, “Not yet.” About 30 minutes later, they asked again and I came up with yet another excuse; I was tired. After about 2 hours the lady said to me, alright no more your baby needs to eat. And you know what?

IT DID NOT HURT! 


Debunking Breastfeeding Myths

Let me debunk this myth for you: With the proper latch, proper hold and proper positioning of mama, breastfeeding should NOT hurt. If it does, something is being done wrongly. 

Heres some other myth bubbles I’ll burst for you: 

  • Once you breastfeed your breasts get saggy and never go back to normal. 
    • FALSE: Yes, after breast feeding is stopped, the skin around the breasts tend to be a little less firm. This can be combatted with upper arm exercises to strengthen the skin and tighten it’s hold.
  • Breastfeeding is too time consuming.
    • FALSE: Sorry to break it to you but warming up a pre made bottle takes just about the same amount of time as getting in your breast feeding space and positioning and whipping out your boob.
  • Breastfeeding is only for mamas who want to “be all natural”.
    • FALSE: I’m not even sure what this statement means, but yea. “That ain’t it.”
  • If you breastfeed it will make your baby clingy.
    • FALSE: Whether you breastfeed or not, that baby is going to want to be in your arms non-stop. I mean, they did just come from your belly.

Trust me, there are so many more myths I can debunk but for now — let’s just get on to the facts, shall we?


Things to Do Before Your First Time BreastFeeding

Use your Resources:

Breastfeeding (like anything else in life) takes practice to make perfect. As I said before, even after seeing many, many breastfeeding mamas, I still was absolutely clueless as to what to do when it was my turn.

Mama, hear me clearly now: Do not be afraid to ask for help with anything in motherhood! But especially when you’re about to leave the hospital. It is literally our job to help you. We literally get paid to help you with any issues you have before you leave the hospital. Take full advantage of your resources and help before you have any issues. In short, use the lactation consultant.

Research
Like all parts of motherhood, it’s best to do your own research. Once you decide breastfeeding is for you, I would suggest researching everything about it. The types of holds, feeding periods, consistency of the milk production, let down, breastfeeding products; everything down to even what breastfed baby’s poops are like (because trust me, they are different). Researching before you give birth allows you to have all your questions ready when you do meet with the lactation consultant. You most definitely will still have questions once she leaves, but at least it will give you some ground to start on.

Prepare
Prepare your body, your home, your mindset, all of it. Get it all in. It is said a mom should have 500 calories more a day in her diet while breastfeeding. Prepare your home before birth to have your favorite foods on hand to ensure you are easily able to get this increase in caloric intake. This increase in caloric intake will also help your body produce more milk and more importantly, keep up with the production. After researching your favorite products, buy them and have them out of the package and ready to go for the second you get home. Trust me, you’ll need them within the hour.  

Let it go
I know, totally easier said than done, but any stories you’ve heard from friends, family, colleagues, etc. — let them go. It will be so much easier to actually breastfeed when you let go of what “so-and-so” said it should feel like, or should look like. Remember, we are focusing on facts here!


Now, we’re ready to start breastfeeding.  

Your first time you feed will be scary. Just like life, trying new things can be scary but after the first time you try it, you realize it really wasn't all you made it up to be. Think of this with breast feeding. Just give yourself the first few times and then make a judgement.  


Here are my top 5 tips for breastfeeding:

  1. Remain calm. Hunched over back, clenched jaw, sweating forehead; that sounds terrible, doesn't it? Don’t let that be you when you breastfeed. Instead, get into a nice comfortable position, and relax not only your body but your mind, too. Allow your body to flow and do its thing. It sounds so funny but I used to literally visualize my milk coming down from my body into my baby’s mouth. It may sound silly but it worked, I never had one real issue with milk production. 
  2. Get prepared before you start. Before your baby even gets fussy or you know the time is coming set up your space. Get your book or TV ready, get the blankets ready, get all your tools ready and in one place because once you sit down to feed that baby — that’s it. You’re at their discretion now when it comes to you getting up. One  of my favorite products was the Milk Snob nursing cover. It was stretchy and light weight which worked perfect in public. Even better, it doubled as a car seat cover that I used in the cooler months to block out the wind from baby boy. My other favorite item was the My Brest Friend nursing pillow. It’s a little thicker than a boppy and more sturdy. Since having had a C-section, it was difficult for me to support Tate’s weight a lot in the beginning and this served as a life saver because it was easy for him to lay directly on it without me having to hold it too much and he was higher up for my comfort. There are plenty of products out there. Find your products and get everything situated. 
  3. Get your feeding schedule down. Now this applies mostly to baby’s first few months of life. Starting out it’s easier if you feed your baby on a schedule and don’t wait until they call for food. It keeps from having a frantic baby and mama in the long run. In the beginning you’ll be getting a hang of baby’s sleep schedule, wake schedule, your wake schedule and sleep schedule... It will be a lot. Throw in feedings and it can be easy to forget! Offering the breast every 1-2 hours for baby’s first few months of life is a good way to get your baby on a schedule to know when the milk is coming but it also helps your body to know when it’s time to let some milk down for that baby, too. Now notice I said offer the breast. This means if you’re giving the breast to your baby every hour and they seem uninterested or do not want to latch, do not fret. Try pushing back to every 2 hours and go from there. Sometimes your baby not taking the breast simply means they are uninterested in it right now. Just be sure to pay close attention to make sure your baby is still taking in the right amounts of milk. Another additional benefit of feeding on a schedule is if you wait to feed until baby tells you they are ready to eat, it could be a moment of stress. Baby is screaming because they’re hungry you’re now rushing frantically to get set up and this situation is even worse if you are in public. To avoid that, feed your baby on a schedule.
  4. It’s all in the hold. Remember we talked about being comfortable well this goes for your positioning, too. There a few different types of holds that you can position your baby in to make it comfortable for both you and them. Refer to the picture below for images of them. Personally, the football hold was the easiest for me. As a new mom having to manipulate baby’s head to my breast, my nipple to their mouth and hold them secure was a lot. The football hold gave me the most control of these things.


  5. Relaxxxxx. I CANNOT SAY THIS ENOUGH! You're let down literally depends on it. Your body will not let down as much milk as needed as a result of being clenched and tight. This is why your position (not only in your house) but also with your baby, matters so much.  


Being a new mama is hard. Each time you enter a new phase it will feel like it was harder than the one before. It will feel tough and down right impossible. But you are mama, hear you roar! You were literally meant to do this job and there is nobody better at it for your baby then you. So cut yourself some grace. Breastfeeding is a difficult journey and even more as a new mama. You feel lost, confused, defeated, disappointed at times and more. But never let those emotions stop you from what you set your mind to. You and your body are made for this.

Take time for you too mama,

Aysia B.


And if you're looking for some tips on starting your baby on solids, get my 6-page workbook packed with checklists, food age charts, a food journal and more.
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